Work Work and More Work

I am having trouble thinking of anything but work lately. My head is spinning trying to keep up with everything. I love what I do, but I will be glad when it slows down a bit.

I feel like I always am trying to prove that I am worthy. I am worthy of my husband loving me; worthy of my job; worthy of my friends, worthy of just being. I have a hard time relaxing. I used to read alot and loved it. For the past few years I worked on my MBA and didn't have time to read for pleasure. When I graduated in August of this year, I thought I would start reading again and have all this extra time to relax. But it didn't happen. I feel lazy when I am not doing something now. I am trying to slow down and enjoy my life, but I can't seem to slow down. I have to have a goal or a project.

Today I was talking to my husband and said wouldn't it be nice if we could just retire and move by the ocean. Nothing to do but lay in the sun, swim in the ocean, and read a gazillion of books. But would I be happy? Could I slow down?  I want to say yes. I want to enjoy simple pleasures. Here I sit in our TV room with my husband, watching TV and surfing the internet. I can't just watch TV - I have to be multi-tasking.  I play games, post on message boards, write on my blog, skim the news, or catch up on work. Why can't I just watch TV and relax?

My goal is to slow down this year. Enjoy simple pleasures. Sit for 15 minutes a day and do nothing. Don't feel guilty for not being productive every minute. Learn to be quiet within so I can know myself. Am I afraid to know myself so I keep my mind busy so I can't be quiet within? Interesting and alot to think about.