Saturday, October 30, 2010

Day before my first 10K

I'm in Chicago and having lots of fun with my friends. We had Chicago pizza last night and Sweet Tomatoes today. We also had apple crisp squares for breakfast with Starbuck coffee and we went to a tea shop at noon and had pumpkin bars. We stayed up until 2:30 am this morning talking which is 3:30 am eastern time (my time). I don't think any of this is good preparation for my first 10K, but you know what. I don't care. I am having fun and it is about enjoying this weekend with my good friends. And I am! So whatever happens tomorrow - and I am sure it will be fine - I am happy. I am at peace with it. So I will post tomorrow night and let you know how it went - the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all. I know it will be a beautiful day in all the ways that count.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Not much progress, but it is a journey right?

Yesterday I don't think I sat still and meditated for even 5 minutes. I am going to keep practicing.

I ate fast food twice yesterday: Arby's roast beef and junior jamocha shake for lunch and a tuna sandwich at Jimmy John's for dinner. My excuse was I was in a hurry, but I can't keep using that excuse. I even packe a lunch for work, but went out. I wanted some fresh air with my coworkers. Do you want more excuses? I can think of a hundred. I need to start posting my menus here so I can be accountable.

I started the day off by running 3 miles which is my last run before my 10K on Sunday and had my favorite lite chocolate soy milk and a Luna bar for breakfast. My friends have been so supportive to me in my running journey. I am running farther but as slow as ever. I think the easiest way to get faster is to lose this extra 100 pounds that is hanging on me. Motivation!  One of my dearest friends offered to run the 10K with me (even though it is much slower than she usually does it) so I won't feel alone. Wow! I was so touched. She also ran my first 5K with me last year. It helped to have someone to talk to me (while I am panting) and it keeps my mind off how long I have to go. I know I can run 6.2 miles - I did it 3 times now but it is just knowing people will be there watching me cross the finish line last. But hey someone has to be last!

Remember to smile and savor each second today! Do a good deed for someone and see how good it makes you feel.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Work Work and More Work

I am having trouble thinking of anything but work lately. My head is spinning trying to keep up with everything. I love what I do, but I will be glad when it slows down a bit.

I feel like I always am trying to prove that I am worthy. I am worthy of my husband loving me; worthy of my job; worthy of my friends, worthy of just being. I have a hard time relaxing. I used to read alot and loved it. For the past few years I worked on my MBA and didn't have time to read for pleasure. When I graduated in August of this year, I thought I would start reading again and have all this extra time to relax. But it didn't happen. I feel lazy when I am not doing something now. I am trying to slow down and enjoy my life, but I can't seem to slow down. I have to have a goal or a project.

Today I was talking to my husband and said wouldn't it be nice if we could just retire and move by the ocean. Nothing to do but lay in the sun, swim in the ocean, and read a gazillion of books. But would I be happy? Could I slow down?  I want to say yes. I want to enjoy simple pleasures. Here I sit in our TV room with my husband, watching TV and surfing the internet. I can't just watch TV - I have to be multi-tasking.  I play games, post on message boards, write on my blog, skim the news, or catch up on work. Why can't I just watch TV and relax?

My goal is to slow down this year. Enjoy simple pleasures. Sit for 15 minutes a day and do nothing. Don't feel guilty for not being productive every minute. Learn to be quiet within so I can know myself. Am I afraid to know myself so I keep my mind busy so I can't be quiet within? Interesting and alot to think about.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Someone asked about my "running"

First of all, I do run really slow - jogging  and some call it wogging (combination of walking and jogging) but I think I am running as fast as I can.  About 16 minute miles. Once I lose 100 pounds I will be screaming fast. Let any of those skinny minis that run carry 100 pound weights and see how fast they go. So there! LOL.

I make circles around my neighborhood which is approx. 0.6 miles and then there is a new section I walk to and back sometimes which is 1.5 miles. So I mostly stay close to home. My dog goes with me for the first 1.2 to 2.0 miles and then he poops out. He is only 3 years old, but he is a boxer and they have breathing issues.  Then I go around and around. Going around for over 1.5 hours I see people come and go and they are amazed to see me still running around the neighborhood. I see dogs that I say hi to when I go around. Some bark at me and some say hi. Some chase me and some ignore me.

Here is Brady - still a puppy here. He is about 95 pounds now.

If I think about it I really don't mind going around and around. It is kind of soothing and isn't boring. I listen to music also and I meditate/pray as I run. I do alot of good thinking on my runs. Sometimes I just listen to myself breathe. Pant is more like it. One time a mail lady told me she didn't know how I did that fast walking that it was harder than running. I smiled and shrugged while inside I was like Lady this is running!

I love running! And six more days is my 10K!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Can I say no?

Yesterday I went to my Weight Watchers Meeting and lost 2 pounds! I was happy, but disappointed that I didn't lose more. The week before I had finally bit the bullet and went back to my meetings after about a month off and I had gained 3.4 pounds. So I am still up. I heard these men/women talking about their journeys and they seemed so excited and happy about saying no to eating out or no to ordering whatever they felt like off the menu or no to doughnuts.

Why can't I be like that? Is the novelty gone? I need to start again. My husband is trying to eat healthier so it should be easier for me to cook for us both now. I made a homemade minestrone soup yesterday that was to die for. I enjoy cooking on weekends, but after work on weekdays I just want easy, quick, and soothing.

But then last night while my sons were visiting, like a 'good' mother I made them chocolate chip walnut cookies.  I didn't have one. BUT I had enough dough for at least three cookies. UGH!  So this morning I am trying again to make better choices. To learn from others at the meetings and from my husband who can say no to sweets and snacks and the restaurant menu, because I can't.  I am going to learn how though.

On other news, heading out soon for my long run. I am going to try 6.2 miles. One week from today is my first 10K. I have ran 6 mile twice before so today will be my third time. I probably will have to walk some. I am coming in around 1 hour 40 minutes. SLOW I know, but you have to start somewhere. And I challenge those runners who come in at 60 minutes to try carrying around an extra 100 pounds. I might be beating them. 

Have a good Sunday! Smile and savor each minute!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Do I really want to lose a 100 pounds?

Yes I do! I think I do. Well maybe. It is scary to think about losing 100 pounds and how your life might change. You might lose friends. It might affect your relationship with your significant other. People won't be comfortable with you. They will say you have changed. And they might be right - you might have changed. 

I want to stop thinking of losing 100 pounds. I want to start making daily choices that will help my overall goal of becoming a happier, healthier person who is touching lives around me. These choices will be about moving more, eating less, making better food choices, drinking more water, knowing my health statistics (blood pressure, sugar, HDL, LDL, triglycerides, etc.) and all of that. But there is more! About smiling at someone just to make their day, letting someone cut in front of me and just smile and wave, not to gossip about someone, not to complain but be thankful, doing community service, charitable giving, and on and on.  It is about learning new things and not being afraid to experience fear. Willing to put yourself out there and who cares what others think. Trying new things - loving some and hating some. It is about LIVING where I am now and not in the future.

So yes I do want to lose 100 pounds, but it isn't all I want to do - there is so much more out there for me to do.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Is there such a thing as a bad run?

I had a good night sleep, had my morning coffee, and was ready for my morning run or so I thought. I had planned or thought about a 4 mile run since I was working from home and would save time on the commute. I started off with my dog, a 3 year old boxer named Brady.  I went about a quarter of a mile when I knew it wasn't going to be good, my ankles ached. My ankles do not usually hurt at all. I stopped and walked a little and then started running again and they got less sore as I ran. I wasn't moving very fast - I normally don't run too fast - but this was even slower than normal. I took Brady home after 2 miles; he can't run very far because of his breathing but he loves to get out there. Then I ended up doing 3.3 miles before I thought I had to get back to work.

After my run I had my typical 8 oz of lite chocolate soy milk for 90 calories and a LUNA bar for 180 calories. I love this combination - I get my chocolate fix and chocolate is good for you after a run. That is what I read and I am believing it.

So to answer my initial question, no they is not such a thing as a bad run. All runs are good. They make me feel energized and ready to take on the world. Mentally, emotionally and physically.  Even if I don't run fast or run as long as I want, or if I get strange aches - any run is good. Good for my body, soul, and mind!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Savor each second!

Well it is Wednesday and I have meetings from 7:30 in the morning to late this afternoon with no breaks!  Hope to find out some news about how my group will be organized and how the work will be divied up, but realistically probably won't get too much information today.  I ran yesterday, but could only make 2.4 miles before my time was up. I think if I could only run faster I could run farther - simple right?  Do I burn as many calories running 3.1 miles in 50 minutes as someone who runs 5 miles in 50 minutes? Do I waste too much time thinking of all of this and just get out there and enjoy.

Goal for today: don't wish my life away, but savor each second! Enjoy! I will never get this moment back again. Make the most of it. Smile and breathe! I challenge you to do the same!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I am having a hard time telling people I am blogging. Does anyone understand?  My husband asked me for my blog address and I was embarrassed to give it to him but I gave it to him and one of my friends have it. I know I am blogging for myself. I feel it is healthy to get my feelings and thoughts out there. I am wanting all around health - healthy body, mind, spirit. So this is helping my spirit by sharing my thoughts and feelings, helping my mind by learning new things, and helping my body by being accountable on here.

Yesterday I did go back to jazzercise after a couple of months missing class. I went regularly for about 3-4 months but then stopped due to work and class schedule colliding. But I made myself leave work early 4:30 so I could make the class at 5:15.  Last night I had to catch up on my work because I left early but it was worth it. Jazzericse really helped me lose weight and inches but running is still my passion. I am supposed to be running this morning so I need to wrap this up so I can head out there. I found myself working around my workout schedule instead of working out around my work schedule. I work for a while in the early mornings and in the evenings so I can run in the mornings when it is starts getting light. I hate running in the dark but will have to start pretty soon.

I have been having problems eating healthy so I need to look up some new recipes and start cooking better for my husband and me. He really doesn't need to lose any weight but he wants to lose a few pounds.

Have a healthy happy day!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Training for a 10K

I finished Couch to 5K (C25K) of September 2009 and ran a 5K last October. When I say "run" I am taking liberties with the word since it was 16 minutes per mile but it was running for me. I was around 255 pounds at the time.  Then over the winter it was cold and dark outside - the dark bothered me more than the cold - I really slacked on my running.
So in Spring 2010 found me once again doing Couch to 5K and it worked - I was running again but I stayed at about 30-40 minutes which wasn't quite 3 miles for me. So after I finished my MBA at the end of July I felt motivated for a new goal. Hence I was on a high and signed up for and announced to the world I was doing a 10K on Halloween of 2010 in Chicago where I had done my 5K. I had a group of friends that ran with me last time that signed up too. It was going to be a party weekend.
 I ran 3 or 4 times a week. 3-4 miles during the week and a longer run on the weekends. I bumped it up a half mile every weekend and lo and behold by mid September I ran 6 miles one Sunday.  The weekend I did 4.5 miles I thought I was going to collapse but the 5, 5.5, and 6 mile weekends were great!  Then I ran a 3.1 mile on my birthday and thought I have this - I ran a PR personal record for me that day.
Then .... hip problems. My hip started hurting so I laid off running and tried to rest it. It felt better, but my training was off now. So I gradually built up and 5 weeks later I did another 6 mile this past Sunday. I had to walk some of it and I had to push myself to finish but I did it.
Now in 2 weeks I will have to make the decision to do the 5K or 10K at the race. I am leaning towards doing the 10K since I hate to back down on my goals. But I am trying to listen to my body and the past 5 weeks I had the hip problem and shingles. Very painful. But I can do it! I know I will be the last person. I looked at last year's time and the slowest was 1 hour 30 minutes and I am coming in at 1 hour 43 minutes or so.
I am afraid of getting lost on the run more than afraid of being last. I am tired of being afraid - I am going to go for it! I have nothing to lose but my pride. I have a iphone and no how to use it if I get lost. Call my husband to come and find me.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

First Day of Blogging

I am not sure what I am doing, but I decided to start blogging. Why? Not sure - many reasons.  One is wanting to help myself by journaling my ups and downs and be accountable. Two is wanting to document my journey and give others hope for a happier life while at the same time discovering perfection does not make us happy. Third I am just curious about blogging.

For my first blog, I wanted to introduce myself. Since I have a tendency to write a book, I will start with the basics and then each week go into more of my life's journey so far.  I want to capture how I came to be who I am and now where I am going from here.

I recently turned 50 and have been happily married for the second time for 5+ years. I have four sons who are all 18 and over. I started off as an ambitious college graduate moving away from my home town to work for a huge software company as a programmer and then transformed to a stay at home mother. I again transformed to a high school teacher and eventually went to work for a global consulting firm and have been there for the last ten years.

I have been overweight for most of my adult life especially after I had my children.  I was never very athletic or into working out. About two years ago I started Weight Watchers and weighed in at 279. About a year ago I started Couch to 5K and ran my first 5K in October 2009. I kind of slacked off running during the winter while I finished up my MBA.  Now I am training for a 10K later this month and am at 245.  I don't want my weight to define me or stop me from doing things and I have tried not to, but I realize that I need to lose weight to keep my health - I have been lucky so far.

I hope blogging will help my desire to have a strong body, a strong mind and fulfill my need to share with others.